A few good "examples" before we slay the dragon
From: August 11, 2007
Just a few days into this year’s Peru trip, I witnessed something that has had me thinking on the subject until this day.
As we were standing outside the very small airport in the jungle town of Tarapoto, realizing our flight was actually two days later, I noticed one of the local pastors. It was the image of this pastor and his wife, an image that is still in my head right now. Now, I am sure it wouldn’t be that big of a deal to some, but to me seeing the way that those two interacted was quite refreshing. Despite the fact that they have been married for over 20 years, they looked like two high school love birds, attached at the hip. Their obvious affection for each other was amazing as they just held each other, joked and laughed. As I mentioned, it was refreshing. Why? Because it was so genuine, it was so real—they truly were in love some 20 years later. Not something you see everyday.
That night, in our team debriefing, I mentioned this, and I wasn’t the only one that had noticed. I thought that this was, perhaps, good and bad. One, it was great that this was happening. Second, though, it was noticed by many because it is not really commonplace. Yeah, sure, we see people “hugging” on each other or you see the occasional holding of hands, but this was just different. It is so sad that there are so few examples, even in Christendom, of an amazing marriage that displays itself in public—a marriage that that makes people say, “I want some of what they got.”
As we returned to Lima, I was given yet another image of this. We ventured to a friend’s house to hang out before having to return to the airport. As most sat and watched television and drank amazing hot chocolate, I was observing the way that my friend and his wife interacted with each other. It looked as if they had the same thing that pastor and his wife possessed, something different than what you see in most marriages. To put in simply, they complemented each other, and you could surely tell that they truly loved and cared for each other. It wasn’t broadcasted, it was simple care and affection. They couldn’t help themselves.
Now that I have been back in Georgia for the past two weeks, I have continued to dwell on the subject and have continued to look for more “good” examples. I have been depressed to hardly find a one. Don’t get me wrong, I know that they exist, but they are truly hard to find. Of course, it’s not hard to find a married couple, they are everywhere, yet it is hard to find a married couple who look as if they are doing more than tolerating each other and coexisting under the same roof. Where are the amazing marriages!? I want to know! As Christians, where are our examples of marriage that the world needs and wants to see?
Well, obviously, as usual, I do not have all of the answers. Not even a few. However, I have come to one conclusion as I have continued to mull over this and discuss it with mature people over the past few weeks. Until our relationship with God is where it needs to be personally then relationships with our significant others will never be where they need to be. To put it simply, our love for each other should flow out of our love for God and not the other way around. Yeah, sure, there are other issues that probably need to be worked out in most marriages. Sure, husbands you should probably turn that blasted picture box off and help your wife with the dishes. Yes, you should surprise her at the close of her work day with a weekend to the beach (You know, whisk her away). Sure, you could tell her that she is amazing and the most beautiful person you have ever seen, or simply smile at her when she wakes up. All of those are great and should be things you are working on everyday; however, the fact still remains that until that vertical relationship is on the up-and-up all horizontal relationships with others will be off kilter.
A few weeks ago, a few friends and I were sitting around debating different ideas about relationships and marriage. Someone made the comment that it was possible that those fairy tale type situations and the “saving the princess” ways were just not plausible. I beg to differ. Now, maybe I have just read too many John Eldredge books and maybe since I have never been married I don’t understand clearly, but I want to hope that those situations can exist. I want to believe that it can be a grand adventure. The "getting married, building the picket fence, having 2.5 kids and 'settling'” just, for some reason, doesn’t seem appealing to me. If they can’t exist then what are we doing?
If you are in a marriage, go right now and totally make out like it’s nobodies business, seriously. lol Love that person out of your love for God. If you need to get that relationship right then do it. Don’t take them for granite, and take advantage of every piece of time you have together. In addition, watch your mouth—whether girl or guy, neither care to hear how good someone else looks, movie star or not. Next, if you are engaged, start preparing for that grand adventure. Guys, get ready to slay the dragon and rescue the princess! Grow together and get some good counsel. Ok, singles, don’t worry it can happen. lol Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and everything else will be added. Trust me, I know that is hard advice to swallow, I really do, but seek it out. You continue to seek out what it means to be in a Godly relationship, seek the heart of God, love Him first. And, no matter your situation, you can even read some awesome books, stuff from Harris and Harley. Guys read Wild at Heart, girls check out Captivating. They are both awesome books that will rock your faces off, literally.
Ok, I am nearly finished, but I want to see genuine examples of amazing marriage. Above all, though, I hope to be in one of those, one day. I think that is ok to hope for…
In closing, I leave you with an excerpt from Wild at Heart by John Eldredge.
Just a few days into this year’s Peru trip, I witnessed something that has had me thinking on the subject until this day.
As we were standing outside the very small airport in the jungle town of Tarapoto, realizing our flight was actually two days later, I noticed one of the local pastors. It was the image of this pastor and his wife, an image that is still in my head right now. Now, I am sure it wouldn’t be that big of a deal to some, but to me seeing the way that those two interacted was quite refreshing. Despite the fact that they have been married for over 20 years, they looked like two high school love birds, attached at the hip. Their obvious affection for each other was amazing as they just held each other, joked and laughed. As I mentioned, it was refreshing. Why? Because it was so genuine, it was so real—they truly were in love some 20 years later. Not something you see everyday.
That night, in our team debriefing, I mentioned this, and I wasn’t the only one that had noticed. I thought that this was, perhaps, good and bad. One, it was great that this was happening. Second, though, it was noticed by many because it is not really commonplace. Yeah, sure, we see people “hugging” on each other or you see the occasional holding of hands, but this was just different. It is so sad that there are so few examples, even in Christendom, of an amazing marriage that displays itself in public—a marriage that that makes people say, “I want some of what they got.”
As we returned to Lima, I was given yet another image of this. We ventured to a friend’s house to hang out before having to return to the airport. As most sat and watched television and drank amazing hot chocolate, I was observing the way that my friend and his wife interacted with each other. It looked as if they had the same thing that pastor and his wife possessed, something different than what you see in most marriages. To put in simply, they complemented each other, and you could surely tell that they truly loved and cared for each other. It wasn’t broadcasted, it was simple care and affection. They couldn’t help themselves.
Now that I have been back in Georgia for the past two weeks, I have continued to dwell on the subject and have continued to look for more “good” examples. I have been depressed to hardly find a one. Don’t get me wrong, I know that they exist, but they are truly hard to find. Of course, it’s not hard to find a married couple, they are everywhere, yet it is hard to find a married couple who look as if they are doing more than tolerating each other and coexisting under the same roof. Where are the amazing marriages!? I want to know! As Christians, where are our examples of marriage that the world needs and wants to see?
Well, obviously, as usual, I do not have all of the answers. Not even a few. However, I have come to one conclusion as I have continued to mull over this and discuss it with mature people over the past few weeks. Until our relationship with God is where it needs to be personally then relationships with our significant others will never be where they need to be. To put it simply, our love for each other should flow out of our love for God and not the other way around. Yeah, sure, there are other issues that probably need to be worked out in most marriages. Sure, husbands you should probably turn that blasted picture box off and help your wife with the dishes. Yes, you should surprise her at the close of her work day with a weekend to the beach (You know, whisk her away). Sure, you could tell her that she is amazing and the most beautiful person you have ever seen, or simply smile at her when she wakes up. All of those are great and should be things you are working on everyday; however, the fact still remains that until that vertical relationship is on the up-and-up all horizontal relationships with others will be off kilter.
A few weeks ago, a few friends and I were sitting around debating different ideas about relationships and marriage. Someone made the comment that it was possible that those fairy tale type situations and the “saving the princess” ways were just not plausible. I beg to differ. Now, maybe I have just read too many John Eldredge books and maybe since I have never been married I don’t understand clearly, but I want to hope that those situations can exist. I want to believe that it can be a grand adventure. The "getting married, building the picket fence, having 2.5 kids and 'settling'” just, for some reason, doesn’t seem appealing to me. If they can’t exist then what are we doing?
If you are in a marriage, go right now and totally make out like it’s nobodies business, seriously. lol Love that person out of your love for God. If you need to get that relationship right then do it. Don’t take them for granite, and take advantage of every piece of time you have together. In addition, watch your mouth—whether girl or guy, neither care to hear how good someone else looks, movie star or not. Next, if you are engaged, start preparing for that grand adventure. Guys, get ready to slay the dragon and rescue the princess! Grow together and get some good counsel. Ok, singles, don’t worry it can happen. lol Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and everything else will be added. Trust me, I know that is hard advice to swallow, I really do, but seek it out. You continue to seek out what it means to be in a Godly relationship, seek the heart of God, love Him first. And, no matter your situation, you can even read some awesome books, stuff from Harris and Harley. Guys read Wild at Heart, girls check out Captivating. They are both awesome books that will rock your faces off, literally.
Ok, I am nearly finished, but I want to see genuine examples of amazing marriage. Above all, though, I hope to be in one of those, one day. I think that is ok to hope for…
In closing, I leave you with an excerpt from Wild at Heart by John Eldredge.
Why do most of us get lost somewhere between “once upon a time” and “happily ever after”? Most passionate romances seem to end with evenings in front of the TV. Why does the dream seem so unattainable, fading from view even as we discover it for ourselves? Our culture has grown cynical about the fable. Don Henley says, “We’ve been poisoned by these fairy tales.” There are dozens of books out to refute the myth, books like Beyond Cinderella and The Death of Cinderella.
No, we have not been poisoned by fairy tales and they are not merely “myths.” Far from it. The truth is, we have not taken them seriously enough. As Roland Hein says, “Myths are stories which confront us with something transcendent and eternal.”
…It is written in our hearts, one of the core desires of every man and every woman.
"We learned how to love each other by loving together good things wholly outside each other." - Donald Hall
"Getting married is the boldest and most idealistic thing that most of us will ever do." - Maggie Gallagher
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